#i see a bastard i fall in love

[backpackingspace]

Okay yes odysseus absolutely fumbled first meeting with penelope. He was an absolute goof. Tripping over himself, blushing, loosing games because penelope waved at him, getting caught mid lie ect ect

But have we considered penelope was equally a mess?

[misteria247]

Parole officer Paz and her little bastard charge Bill thoughts coming your way

Okay so Bill's staying with Paz and despite hating his situation he's a nosey little shit and he decides to observe Pacifica in her every day life. Mainly to kill boredom, and he notices a few things that are definitely different than when he'd seen her last time. For one thing she seems to have developed a hording problem. Pieces of scrap metal, gems, little chains and other knick knacks are all scattered around her house. As well as gloves and other useless things. She has books with little pine trees on them and pieces of art with glitter and other sparkling things. It's honestly annoying to him that she has all this stuff in places in her usually clean home. Another thing he notices is she's apparently on better terms with her dad, which is surprising. She always has a scheduled time for phone calls and will be on them for a good while much to his irritation. She also gets other phone calls from people and she's always looking forward to them, not paying much attention to him. (Which drives him up the wall). But the thing that irks him the most is the feeling of deja vu.

It's little things she does, little mannerisms and sayings she speaks. Things like sweet marmalade or what in the sam hell, and he hears it and it makes his teeth grind but he can't figure out why? This goes on for a bit and he grows more and more irritated with it until one day he catches her doing one of her little projects and she's got this expression on her face. One of concentration, with her tongue peeking out unconsciously as she handles a delicate piece of jewelry that it hits him. Because fuck he's seen that same exact expression.

Wayyyy back in the 80s.

On the one person who he can't stand at all.

Mother fucking Specs.

And it clicks and suddenly so much makes so much sense and are you fucking kidding me????? Kind of deal. He never saw this coming and now he's hellbent on finding out how the hell this brat became friends with Fiddleford H. Mcgucket of all people. Bill's not happy at all for the rest of the day, hell the week once he realizes this lol. Basically Fidds haunts his ass even after therapy Bill will never be free of Mcgucket and that to me would be super funny.

[panncakes]

"You are obsessed with Tinn. You're obsessed with his world, with his thoughts. Are you sure you can win him over?" / "I'd like to know what kind of man can make our great lawyer so vunerable."

LAWS OF ATTRACTION (2023)

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has arachnophobia but like. The type of arachnophobia that makes you have panic attacks even if you only see a little, tiny spider around you. And I just know Usopp would love to have a pet spider. They go to an island and Usopp finds a hurt spider and takes care of it because of course he would, and decides to keep it because of course he would.

So, uh, Sanji doesn't like his boyfriend's pet. It's not like he's going to tell him, because what would he say to him? Sanji hasn't told him his fear of spiders is that bad (he definitely knows, though). And he doesn't want to get in between Usopp's excitement of keeping her. So the spider stays and at least Usopp is aware that Sanji doesn't like her, so he doesn't let her go close to him (she's very polite so it's okay).

But Usopp loves having her around. On his shoulder, his head, his hands-- The guy brings her with him everywhere. And the little thing is smart and somehow seems to understand what Usopp says. They're happy. It's cute. Luffy absolutely loves her. Robin is literally thrilled to study her behavior. And Sanji can't even look at her because he will start hyperventilating the second he notices her.

He'd try to get over his fear of her because Usopp wants them to get along but he won't force it on Sanji. Sanji just knows he wants them to be friends. The spider lives in Usopp's terrarium, which he keeps in his workshop, and so Sanji goes there without telling his boyfriend.

And he tries. He really, really tries. He's shaking when he sees her there, even if she's inside the terrarium. He's barely able to breathe when he tries to get her out of there. Again and again repeating the words Usopp constantly tells him "She's more afraid of you than you are of her" (which is bullshit, in Sanji's opinion) and "She only wants to be your friend! She likes you because I like you" (something extremely romantic but Sanji's brain doesn't process it that way).

He's about to call it a day and try to calm himself down before he actually stops breathing for good. But. You know. The terrarium is on the edge of the table that's already full of Usopp's stuff and the tablecloth is long and- And the terrarium falls and breaks and the spider ends on Sanji's foot-

He doesn't want to do it and it happens in instinct and regrets it immediately, but he kicks the spider. He doesn't know where she lands and he doesn't react immediately to it because he's too focused on trying to learn how to breathe again. He sits on the floor around broken glass and dirt and doesn't realize what he's done until he starts looking for her again. It's not even because of Usopp anymore. She's just a spider. She hasn't done anything but... Existing. She shouldn't be blamed for that. Even if Sanji is afraid of her.

Sanji looks around for her without getting up and finds her alive and well and crawling around avoiding the glass, but also trying to stay away from Sanji as much as possible. That breaks his heart because he might not know what she thinks the way Usopp does, but he knows when someone is scared.

At least she's okay. She's alright. That's a relief.

"I'm sorry, I-" He feels a bit stupid talking to her like this, but he knows she gets it. He hopes she does. "It's not you. You're- He loves you, okay? You're a good girl. I just- I just can't."

He feels his chest tightening when she approaches him ever so slowly, but he knows she won't do anything. His heart doesn't share the same sentiment, but he quiets it down. She looks almost apologetically as if she was the one reassuring Sanji and not the other way around. "It must be tiring." He holds his legs close to his chest to make space for her to walk next to his feet. He feels like he's about to pass out, but she's respectful. And nice. And kind of cute, even. And she's Usopp's. Sanji thinks she tilts her little head confusedly. Thinks, because he isn't quite sure if they do that. "It sucks, right? People being afraid of you all the time. I- I can't say I'm not scared but- But you haven't done anything wrong, little one."

She stays there and doesn't move much for a few seconds, until she ends up crawling up and resting on top of Sanji's shoe. The same way she does when she spends her time on Usopp's shoulder. Sanji isn't that afraid anymore. He's overwhelmed and exhausted and really, really anxious, but he trusts her. Somehow.

Sanji looks around the room, his heart clenching with blame. "I'm sorry- For your home. I'll build you a new one. Well. Not- Not me. I don't know how to. Usopp will. Shit, he'll hate me after this..." But before he can start dwelling on it, the spider moves a little on his leg. And It isn't as bad as he thought. If she's going to murder him in his sleep it's a bit deserved after all. But she won't. He hopes she won't. "You know, you're kind of cute." She tries to crawl up to his knee, but it makes him jump a little. "Don't- Not really ready for, like, upper body touching. Please?" And somehow, she listens and goes back to her position. "Damn, you can understand what I say, can you? Smart girl."

And she doesn't say anything, but Sanji takes it as a yes. Both because he likes talking to her and also because he doesn't want to feel so damn stupid.

A few hours later, Usopp goes back to his workshop and finds Sanji asleep on the floor, lucky he didn't touch any shards of glass, and the spider rests on his foot happily. Or at least it looks like that for Usopp.

He'll ask what happened later, for now, it's time to clean the mess without waking up his boyfriend. He's been brave enough for a day.

[lupisspiss]

Hannibal Lecter, everybody!

Yes, he is sexy, yes, he is a cannibal, I see no contradictions here

Would smooch his sly little face and honestly if he bit off my tongue (book reference boyss) that's fair game and I deserve it

Not amazing quality, and it's hard to see the shading but but like maybe I'll take a better picture tomorrow

[picaroposting]

look okay it's bad to erase marvin's canonical sexuality and the fact that She Likes Men but i literally genuinely with all my heart think that she is a trans woman

[indigospyder]

You know, sometimes I’ll think “oh I really liked reading as a child but there weren’t any books that really molded my personality.”

And then I’ll look at a self insert character I’ve made and realize it’s literally a fucking reskin of Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities.

[wesavegotham]

Obviously I have no idea where Tom Taylor will be going with his Dark Knights of Steel elseworld, but the first book pushes the idea that Bruce, despite being a bastard (he's the illegitimate son of late Queen Martha and Jor-El in this) should inherit the throne one day since he's the only one related to the original monarchs of the kingdom, and I can't help but imagine Bruce sitting one the throne one day and he swears to himself to only sire "trueborn children" so no biologically related child of his would ever suffer from growing up as a bastard like he did...and then Damian is introduced to him.

[chongoblog]

It's Valentines Day and since I'm single I have been thinking about my OC's and how I ship them and I might want to Gush about them, so I'm putting up a short-length poll to determine the level of priority for each one. I'll put a brief summary of each one in the tags if you want some context to influence your decision

[elibeeline]

Idk if its the hormones but im emotional over soup again

[casuallivi]

I'm on my little mission to give some love and gratitude to my favorite fic writers because you're all amazing. You are authors who don't get paid for your great works. You are the reason I am still in this fandom. 💕💗🤍

You write fics where sometimes I'm not sure if the concept would be something for me but i end absolutly loving it.

My top three stories from you are "Three is a party" because i am simply girl and i love smut. I definitely wasn't expecting a threesome with Azriel's shadow resulting in a foursome with the Seer. This was hot as hell 🔥

Second would be "Teenlogy" because again wasn't sure if i would like the concept but excuse how can i not fall in love with a young Azriel simping on his Elain but then also Elain raving about him to Naula after their date was everything.

Third would be "The Midnight Kiss". I absolutly, totally, utterly love this romcom. I think I've read it 4 times already.

Oh oh oh, thank you so much!

The Midnight Kiss was a surprise for me as well, I think is the longest thing I have going on!!! With the grace of the goddess of inspiration I'll finish this one, amen.

I love all the interactions around elriel tag, but knowing people out there enjoy my writing enough the read it again will always blow my mind!

Ps: I have been told before that I choose unusual plots... Is it me? Am I the drama? Lmao. Thanks, I guess

[hauntingblue]

Ace still standing there. Isn't this enough I wonder

[marinerainbow]

Ey @slashingdisneypasta Before I go to bed, I had an entertaining thought to share (of course you don't have to respond if you don't want to. This is just food for thought ^^). Let's say in the Tiny Tots AU, the whole gang remain in touch as they grow up.

Imagine the absolute drama that would ensue when Poppy tries to introduce Henry- or even Ben later- as her boyfriend to the gang. I don't think it'll end well 😅

[noisester]

// Kirm.

[simonbrain]

simon riley who becomes even more smitten with his wife whenever she's angry at him. he doesn't know why, but seeing her scold him for something as simple as forgetting to put the toilet seat down or forgetting to grab a tub of ice cream just makes him grin. it makes him want to gently remind her who's in charge (at least in the bedroom; he knows how much power she has over him. he's weak to her).

all he has to do is cup her face and coo, "i'm sorry lovie, i'll do better." and suddenly she's not very mad anymore. if that doesn't work, he just pushes her against the nearest surface and eats her out until she's a babbling mess (he tried doing that in public one time; she waited until they got in the car to complain about that too).

her attitude rarely gets to him though. if anything, it just turns him on. although if she gets too mouthy, he'll just let her yap without saying anything, just staring down at her. that's when she knows she's in actual trouble.

after she mellows out and simon finishes having his fill of her, she'll get very shy and grumble at him for that dirty trick she falls for every time. "did i not do enough of a good job love? need another round?" she shuts up after that, turning her heated face away from simon's smug grin, the bastard.

[luminni]

I have a feeling Johnny would try and set up Simon with one of his friends

like

“M’ tellin ya mate yer going tae like ‘er,” Johnny teased, bounding a couple steps in front of Simon, turning back to him and rocking back and forth on his heels, hands shoved into his pockets to protect them from the cold. As Price often quipped, the 'scott can't stand still for the life of him.'

“Mhm,” Simon just grumbled in response.

“See mate, That’s the attitude that scares all the girls away.” Johnny commented, hands outstretched and exaggerated.

“Whatever.” Simon huffed, shaking his head. Johnny wasn’t wrong, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d done anything with a girl that wasn’t a quick lay, and even then it had been months, not to mention going out on a proper date. Well, a date was a stretch, you were Johnny’s close friend for a couple years. He had heard of you, but never met you and now Johnny was insisting that he go on a date with you because he was convinced it was going to work well, Simon wasn’t convinced in the slightest.

“She’s real nice though- so put away the tough guy act big man- girls don’t like that.” Simon couldn’t believe he was getting dating advice from his sergeant, so he just doubled down and kept scowling but Johnny kept pressing. “I'm telling you she's a real sweet girl, kinda lass who would try tae make a crying baby laugh on the tube or go and feed some mangy stray dog, perfect for a prickly bastard like yerself.”

“Okay okay, Jesus. ’s not like ’m going to scare ‘er off on purpose.” Simon relented 

“You better not, gettin' laid might do ya' some good man, calm yer ass down a wee bit” Johnny chuckled

Simon would have yelled at him for that comment but his friend cut him off, “‘Kay we’re ‘ere,” Johnny chirped, “Gaz and his girl should be inside already and she’ll be ‘ere soon,” Johnny said, pushing his Lt. through the pub door.

Johnny had invited Kyle and his girlfriend for a kind of double date situation because he thought having another girl there would help you feel more comfortable, something Simon couldn’t argue with. Why Johnny’s single ass would be attending was a mystery.

and he's been playing both sides

“Ya like serious guys right?” Johnny had asked you out of the blue, a week or so prior while hanging out at your flat.

“Uh yeah sure? I mean I guess so, more than immature assholes like you.” You had joked back across the small kitchen.

“Well,” He had began, unphased by your teasing, “There’s this guy I work with-”

“Don’t even.” you cut him off

“Wha'?!” he whined

“Don’t try and set me up with one of your military bros,” you warned, “I’m not interested.”

“Jus' 'cause yer last dates 'ave been busts doesnae mean you shouldn't keep tryin’,” He pleaded, catching the sponge you threw at him, “He’s a real good guy, kinda intimidating but you’d like him, promise!”

You glared at him before going back and forth, Johnny was really trying to sell this guy, and he wasn’t wrong, your last three dates had been nothing short of disasters. So, after lots of pleading -and a couple tasteful photos from them at the gym- you agreed. So as you walked closer and closer to the pub, your nerves were buzzing. Just gotta get past his tough exterior is all, Johnny’s words of advice rang through your head. Thankfully he had invited another one of his friends there along with his girlfriend, you would have been hyperventilating if it was just going to be you and some guys. As you reached for the door, you could only hope Johnny was right about this guy.

So, who would be surprised when it actually works out, when Simon actually falls in love with you and your sweet smile at first site. When you find his corny and sometimes morbid jokes genuinely funny, having to cough around your drink to prevent spitting it out.

Johnny's just happy Simon might finally chill out, and he won't have to listen to you complain about failed dates every other week.